I've moved to myspace

I moved my blog to www.myspace.com/timjonescomedy. Come there to follow my adventures further. I'm going to Los Angeles soon.........................................................

Deep in the heart of Texas

People are friendly as hell! It was nothing like people up here think. I had a great time there and thanks to Slade Ham for helping me out. Check him out at www.sladeham.com. Very funny and a helluva guy. Texas was great and I will be going back in the fall. Doing the Laff Stop open mic was very interesting, and I got to see the place where a lot of my idols have been. I feel pretty good about the future now. I got the Monday night at Bears, finally, which means that I am doing well. I also got an opportunity to split headline and do 40 minutes. I don't know if I'm ready but I am going to try. It's crazy, things are happening fast now all the time. I hope I can keep up. I feel like I am only scratching the surface of what I can do with this. Just wanted to check in. Wedding shit is getting crazy. She said it wouldn't be a big deal, but it is. I hate doing shit like that, planning and such.But, I will do it for Sherri, she is worth it. Until next time.

Jessica Lunsford, Fascism, and 1984

Now, let me begin by saying that I was as horrified as you by the abduction and murder of Jessica Lunsford. Not to mention the other little children who seem to disappear daily here in the land of milk and honey. But, this satellite tracking bill is the first step into fascism in America, my friends, mark my words. There is nothing that even comes close to the term "Orwellian" than this. Seems our friend George was a true visionary. We are entering a "Brave New World" with this frame of thinking. First Schiavo, now this. Who will be next? Soon, they will convince you to tag your children for "their safety". I can't believe that people are falling for this. These are the first steps to total government control. Remember you are free at all times. Why don't we ask the real question? What is wrong with our society that we produce more child touchers, serial killers, and general violent nuisances than any other country in the civilized world? We already have more people in prison than any other country, and that has seemed to work well, huh? We are living in historic times, my friends and fellow Americans. Our Government has finally started to turn it's attention to us, and with people like Delay and Karl Rove running the show, it will only get worse. Soon we will all be tagged and tracked by satellite while our armies pacify the rest of the world. No one seems to care, but remember the old german adage. "When they came for the gypsies, I didn't care. When they came for the homosexuals, I didn't care. When they came for the jews, I didn't care. I wasn't one of them. But, then they came for me." It can happen and will if we don't do something soon. Christian fascism is coming and corporate control is already a reality. What are you going to do to protect freedom?

Back to Work

Well, I had to go back to work after a brief mourning period for Mitch. We did a tribute to him at the April Fool's Day show, which was cool. We listened to Strategic Grill Locations before our show, and at the end we all told Mitch jokes. Then I went off to Louisville to do a week at the Caravan. I was opening for a hypnotist, Ricky Kalmon (www.rickykalmon.com) so it was interesting to say the least. I got to hang with Tim Northern, which is always a treat, and we might do some touring together in the future. I am headed off to the great state of Texas next, that should be a treat. I want to ask them if they are happy at what they have unleashed upon the world, but I think I will ease into it. I am going back in the summer as a feature so this time I will try to suck them into liking me so I can turn the tables on them next time. Hopefully they won't want to drag me from the back of a truck! I'm white, so I have that going for me anyway. I miss Mitch already, it seems too unbelieveable to me that he's not with us anymore. But, jokes must go on and I know he would want us to keep stirring up the shit. Saw Dane Cook last night. I'm not into his style but I have to admit, he puts on a show. It was entertaining, I must admit. Very energetic and one guy who opened for him, Gary Gulman, was funny as shit. Check him out if you get the chance. Smart and funny material, and he was on last comic standing. Well, I gotta go, just checking in. Lots of wedding planning and booking going on, so things are quite busy now. I'll try to check back before I leave.

Mitch Hedberg RIP my friend

Well, you did it. All I can say is that I am glad you touched my life, bro. I've never met a human being that was so unique, but yet like me in so many ways. We shared the artistic mentality and that is why we became friends. I had a sneaking suspicion that your pain was too much, but I had hoped I could do something to help you. We would have had fun this summer, and to tell you the truth I wanted to keep an eye on you. I had a feeling something like this might happen to you one day, I just didn't expect it so soon. You have left a lot of people behind who loved you, man. What are we gonna do for these people? Keep on keeping on, I guess. Comedy is surely worse today, and I feel empty inside. I have to find a way to be funny tomorrow night, but I know that is what you would want. I am going to fulfill what you wanted for me and go full steam ahead. We will take care of Lynn the best we can and make sure that nothing happens to her. Say hello to Teri Schiavo, and tell her we are sorry for making her death into a circus. Dammit, man, I want to be pissed at you but I can't be. You were one of the best people I have had the pleasure to know, and I miss you already. Take care, my brother, and keep watch over us. Comedy is not as funny today.

Getting married in a shithole world

Well, I am finally doing it. Me and Sherri are getting married on August 13th. My family is happy, I have finally found the one. I love her, she is one of the best things to ever happen to me and I want to share this crazy ride that is my life with her. It is hard to find happiness in a world full of Jessica Lundsfords and Atlanta courthouse shootings or kids shooting up their high schools, but I have found some with Sherri and I am going to hold onto it. Once again, what is wrong with us? Little kids are disappearing from street corners all over Florida, but Jeb Bush is running around trying to save a vegetable. The war in Iraq is almost an afterthought now, even though our people continue to die every day. We are selling F-16's to Pakistan while at the same time promoting peace and telling others not to be violent. What a fuckin joke this world is. Child molesters walk out of jail with 25 convictions while drug offenders rot away in prisons all across America. Amazing. Christians lie and do whatever is necessary to push their ideology onto others. Oh, yeah, FUCK RANDALL TERRY. Sorry, just wanted to get that out. This guy has the nerve to be the spokesman for the christian right? Do you know his own children won't speak to him? That he was censured from his church for having an affair with an intern? What balls this guy has, and what's up with his hair? He looks like a badly constructed muppet whose bitterness has sucked any soul he had out of him long ago. This guy used to carry around fetuses in his pocket, you don't think that's kind of sick? Yes, Randall, look around this shithole world and realize that happiness can only be found when you make the world smaller. Big enough for 2 and your closest friends. I love you Sherri, and together I think we can manage.

What's your favorite vegetable?

Schiavo. What we are doing to this woman is sickening. Why can't we let her die with dignity? The fundamentalists are taking over this country. Do you think that all these people outside her house will fucking take care of her if they manage to save her? NO. They will go back to their pointless lives or find someone else's life to interfere with. Go home and watch "The Passion" over and over until they hear the call of someone else's tragedy they can stick their nose in. Do you really think that this woman's husband just can't wait to kill his wife? That he's hovering over her like some Alfred Hitchcock movie with a twisted look on his face? He's taken care of her, a vegetable, for over 10 years now. The selfishness of her family is disgusting. Man, I thought my family reuinion was tense, I wouldn't want to be at the Schiavo family picnic! It would be a little edgy is all I'm saying. Just hover by the beans and watch the fireworks. Do me a favor, STAY OUT OF MY LIFE. I don't want to be a vegetable, ok. I don't want to shit on myself, drool, be a burden and a downer on my family and friends. Is this alright with you? Thank god for the web, this is now my LIVING WILL. If anything ever happens to me, please direct them to this page so they can pull the plug without all this bullshit. Let me die with dignity, human beings deserve that much. Unless you're a child molesting pervert like this fuck in Florida. People like that should just be taken out back and shot. 30 year history of child predation, these people never change. Get rid of them, they create more fucked up people through their victimization of young children. I'm glad it was Florida, he'll get the chair for sure, they like that shit down there. Wal Mart hires Illegal Aliens to do floor work, all over the country. This place is great, never a shortage of shit to talk about. My first feature spot at the Bone went well, I am booked again already. Things are looking good, I'm picking up new fans all the time. Strap in, the ride is just beginning.